Light the Candle
Previously: Jeannie and Paco press Dash Reilly for some answers.
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06:20 PM - Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Rockridge, Oakland
Mark pulled into the driveway of their house, smiling a little at seeing the lights on in the kitchen and living room. Unlocking the door, he found Katie at the dining table in the next room, folding laundry. Her belly seemed to have doubled in size since the morning, which he knew couldn’t be true, but it looked that way.
“Wow, you’re home early.” She smiled, shaking out a small pink onesie. Mark wrapped his arms around her middle and planted a long kiss on her mouth.
“They took pity on me, well, on you,” he grinned. “I got sent home.”
“I thought you were the boss?”
“I am. But, this is a special circumstance.” He kissed her again quickly. “It’s crazy though — the traffic is so much worse at this hour. Can I take over here?” He immediately reached for another piece of laundry, pulling away another small onesie with feet. This one was white with a pink flower embroidery on the left side. “I’m really going to live in a pink house from now on, aren’t I?” Katie laughed, heading to the kitchen beyond.
“You might…if that nursery ever gets done.”
“I know, I know. I’ll work on it tonight, I promise.” He called. “You feel okay?”
“So far so good. Just didn’t sleep last night at all. I tried to nap, but did this laundry instead.” She came back into the dining room with a bottle of wine and two glasses. “I haven’t done any of it since the shower…I don’t know, it felt weird to do it too soon.” She poured both of them a glass.
“You’re having wine?” He smiled at her as she handing him a glass.
“Mark, the baby is cooked. She’s all done. I deserve a little wine.”
“That’s my girl.” They clinked glasses and sipped.
“Oh, that’s so good.” Katie rolled her lips, and lowered herself slowly into an armchair, watching Mark fold. “How was work?”
“It was okay — making some progress. The next few days will be busy.” He glanced up at her.
“Ah, so that’s why you got sent home.”
“Partly, I guess.”
“What’s happening?”
“Well, tomorrow is the funeral, and we have a few loose ends to run down. Depending on that, we may have a search warrant to execute on Friday — it all — it all depends.” He took a long drink.
“Ah, you will be busy.” Katie raised her eyebrows from across the table.
“Your due date isn’t for another week.”
“But I’m feeling it won’t be that long. I don’t know why.” She shook her head slightly, rubbing her belly. A little furrow formed on her smooth brow. “You are not allowed to miss the hospital, Mark. You have to be there.”
“Katie — I promise you, say the word and I will drop everything to be there. I’m not missing this.”
“Good. Because I can’t do it without you.”
06:37 PM - Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Spring Street Valley, Sausalito
Paco loved how cozy the house looked. It was the time of year when the scent of the leaves and woodsmoke cut through the chill night, and seeing Imogen in the kitchen from the glass door made his heart skip. She’d already lit the fireplace and had a warm, spicy scent coming from the stove. Shrugging off his jacket, he draped it over the post at the end of the stairway. He stretched and yawned, feeling old suddenly. He peeled off his boots and squished his toes together on the rug.
“You’re home.” Imogen’s white-blonde hair was pulled back in a low pony tail, caught up in the straps of her apron. “I thought you might be early.” Paco wrapped his arms around her from behind and planted a kiss on her neck. “I’m making tacos. They probably won’t be very good, because we don’t really have tacos in Sweden, but I’m following the recipe. I’m doing tofu, but if you want to grill some chicken, we have some of that too.”
“Okay. I’ll do some chicken.” He went to the fridge to find a packet of chicken breasts, and pulled out a cold bottle of Sierra Nevada. “Anything else I can make?”
“No, I don’t think so — “ Imogen smiled. “I have the beans going, greens, we didn’t have any of that Mexican cheese, but we do have feta so that will have to do. Avocado, coriander— there’s some leftover rice if you want that too.” Paco pulled the container of brown rice from the fridge too and moved closer to the stove.
“How was the studio?”
“No studio, I went to the gallery — apparently she’s sold three sculptures and wants me to do more. We had a long chat. One of the buyers has quite a collection, it seems.”
“That’s great! Good news.” Paco smiled, cracking his beer open.
“She wants me to do a new show early in the year, maybe late January.” Imogen looked up at him with her cute smile, and went up on her toes to kiss him. “How was your work?”
“It was okay. The case is coming together. We have a busy few days ahead.” Paco sighed a little and got quiet as he seasoned the chicken breasts. It was so easy to just be quiet with Imogen — he loved that it was never awkward, they just gave each other space. “The girl’s funeral is tomorrow. We’re all going.” Imogen nodded slowly and glanced at him.
“That’s the right thing to do. The family will appreciate it.”
“I know. I just wish we had some answers for them.”
“Well, you know how it is, Billy.” She began softly, stirring the spicy tofu in the pan. “You always tell me that it’s better to take your time and get it right, don’t you?”
07:17 PM - Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Nob Hill, San Francisco, CA
Jeannie returned home and sat with her Dad and watched the evening news, while Langi made his “dinner” which would go into his feed tube. Fergus came in and nestled his head under the judge’s hand, forcing him to give him a pet, which she knew they both loved. Finally, after giving the old man’s hand a little lick, Fergus retreated to his stuffed bed against the wall and huffed a sigh as though he’d worked a hard day.
“I’m sorry about last night, Dad.” Jeannie said quietly.
“It’s okay.” He typed on his iPad. “The men were here today in the utility closet.”
“They made the new firewall, yes. It’s so no one will hack us again.” He looked at her with a touch of relief.
“Everything will be safer now. You don’t need to worry.” He gave her a slow blink.
“All okay with you?” He typed, looking at her earnestly.
“I’m okay, yeah.” She whispered. “This case is a lot, but we’re learning more every day. Tomorrow is the girl’s funeral — I suppose I’ll have to pull out a suit. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to wear one.”
“No uniform?”
“No. I don’t need to be in uniform unless it’s something police-related, really. Probably better to keep a lower profile. I’m not sure how the next few days will shake out.” He blinked at her, knowing better than to ask her more. Jeannie considered the news and was glad to realize there was still no mention of Alexa Thomas’ death. That might change in the next few days too.
“Okay, Mister Pete, I have dinner for you.” Langi arrived with her tray draped with a simple dishtowel to conceal the syringe she’d use to connect the feed tube.
“I’m actually going to freshen up.” Jeannie said quietly, while Langi fussed over her Dad. This part of his care wasn’t something she ever liked to see. “I’m going over to Chris’ tonight, okay?” He blinked at her again and she gave him a kiss.
08:21 PM - Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Lower Pacific Heights, San Francisco, CA
Jeannie finally rang the bell at the old Victorian that used to be her home. She’d taken a quick shower and re-dressed in jeans and a slouchy burgundy cashmere sweater. She felt gratified to find a set of matching underwear too, should the evening progress in that direction, but she had every confidence it would. She even packed her old black suit for the morning.
Chris opened the door with a soft smile, pulling her into a slow kiss before the door even closed.
He paused and gave her a long look, reaching to help her out of her coat.
“You look pretty.” Jeannie scoffed a little.
“Thank you. I hardly know what I look like these days.” Chris put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple as the moved down the hallway.
“You always look pretty, you know that.”
“I love you for that — even if I think you’re a little crazy.”
“You’ve always thought I was crazy.” They emerged into the beautiful new kitchen, with the lights low, and a candle on the table.
“Just a little. Mostly because you wanted to be with me.” Chris glanced at her with a slight smile. “And then you said you were in love with me —”
“I still say it.” He retorted quietly, giving her another long look, leaning on the counter. Jeannie felt her cheeks flush. “I thought I’d make cocktails, but then I realized I had a nice bottle of Chateauneuf, so I thought that might be nice. What do you think?” He turned the bottle toward her.
“You know it’s one of my favorites, so that sounds perfect.” They moved into the living room with the bottle and glasses. He’d lit a fire in the small hearth and another candle was lit on the coffee table, the whole room tidy and picture-perfect. “Well, where did all this atmosphere come from?” Chris shrugged as he peeled the foil from the top of the bottle and began to pull the cork.
“Just trying to impress my girlfriend.”
“Ah — “
“And I’ve never had a lot of luck impressing her, so giving it my best.” He poured into the two wine globes, and moved one toward her across the coffee table.
“Oh, you impress me all the time, I just don’t let on.” It was maybe the truest thing she’d ever told him.
“Oh, really? Cheers —” They toasted and each took a long sip. Jeannie savored the wine, letting the complex blend play on her palate.
“You know you impress me, Chris. You impress everyone. It’s just good for you to wonder a little.” She smiled at him. Chris sighed and leaned back into the sofa.
“No one has ever had me so completely figured out as you.” Chris considered her. “I just wish I could do the same for you.”
“You can’t figure me out?”
“Not really, no. Not lately anyway.” They were both quiet.
“Well,” Jeannie began quietly, “I don’t really have myself figured out these days. That’s nothing against you, it’s just me.”
“Well, there I do have some ideas.”
“You do?”
“Of course. I know you’re sad, Jean. I know you have two years of sadness just locked away somewhere, and you won’t show it to me. I can understand why — your reasons don’t bother me, but pretty soon you’ll have to do something about it and I figure you have two choices: keep it in and let it fester, or let it out and burn the whole town down.” Jeannie looked at him wide-eyed. How did he know so much? This whole time she thought if she just shut it all down he’d never suspect. “Either way —” he sipped his wine, “either way, it’s your choice to make. But when you’re ready to light the candle, I’m here.” Jeannie felt her skin go numb as she sank into herself a little and nodded slightly.
“I — I —” she stammered slightly, not sure how to begin. Chris leaned forward and enclosed her hand in his on the sofa.
“Jeannie — we have to talk about what we’re going to do. I want to be with you, you know that, but we used to have plans and now I have no idea what we have, it’s just —”
“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT?” Jeannie exploded, leaping from the sofa to pace the room. Chris shrank away a little. “I know exactly what we had planned, Chris — we were going to be married when I finished law school, well — “ She shrugged, tears starting. “I — I can’t stand it! I can’t stand that we wanted all of these things and that she won’t be here! I — how am I supposed to just keep going when she’s GONE! She’s GONE, Chris. She isn’t COMING BACK! She’s not going to be there for any of it, and I can’t even think of — of any of that without her!” Chris knew the candle was lit and knowing this suddenly terrified him. Jeannie was angry and erratic and moving around the living room in every direction at once, but at least this wasn’t the flat stillness she’d had shown for years.
“Jeannie — “ he moved to his feet, unsure of how to approach her.
“Don’t you get it? I — I’m going CRAZY— I—I talk to her Chris! I talk to her all the time! I tell her things, just every day things, and I ask her advice, and…” She swallowed, her eyes flooded. “I talk to my dead mother like she’s here, and she’s NOT AND I CAN’T — how am I supposed to have a life without her in it?” She screamed at him, he tears falling one after another. “I need her so much! I’ve ruined everything and I can’t get it back — I NEED her — I need her to TELL ME — to tell me WHAT TO DO.” She wailed into a scream that broke Chris’ heart. Her hands covered her face tightly as her shoulders shook.
Chris moved to her and gently wrapped her in his arms while she shook and sobbed. He’d never seen Jeannie cry this way. It was rage and terror and grief and everything she’d been putting away rolled into one. It was frightening, but at least it was something different. He wrapped her tightly but it was like she was breaking from the inside out, and he knew her body would hurt in the morning. He held her for long, quiet minutes, the fire cracking and her wailing shudders the only sounds in the room.
“Jeannie — “ he whispered into her hair. “Jeannie, life moves on. It always does. Maevy would be the first to say that to anyone.” Jeannie sang out a sob that rippled into his chest. “We owe it to her to have our own lives.” He hesitated a little. ‘Together. We can still have what we wanted, but you have to decide if you still want it.”
“Of course I do —” she looked up at him, her face swollen. “But — but I have no idea how to get there. I really don’t, Chris.” She shook her head. “And I hate that I’m telling you all of this because I never wanted to burden you with any of it, you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve me falling apart on you — you, you don’t deserve my, my sadness, my crazy…I have been trying to spare you all of this.”
“I know. And here I’ve just been waiting for you to let me have it.”
“You have?”
“Of course! I — I didn’t want to push you, but I didn’t know how to be what you needed either. But I knew you needed something…I just,” He shook his head and looked at her, wiping her tears with his thumbs. “I just didn’t want to pry — you were so shut down and silent for so long. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know what to do either.” Jeannie swallowed.
“We’re both pretty useless, I guess.” Chris smiled slightly, and then chuckled. Jeannie burst out laughing, sobbing again at the same time.
“Totally.” She heaved a few deep breaths, looking at him. “This — everything at work, this case? It’s bringing everything up. My therapist suggested I take a trip, alone. Just to see if I can process some things.” Chris nodded, squeezing her shoulders.
“You should. I know you need to be alone with things.”
“You do know that. And I know that you hate it.”
“I don’t hate it, Jean, I just process things differently.”
“I know.” She sighed. “And you can’t comprehend how I do it. You’re suspicious of it.”
“Yeah, a little. I guess every time you ask for space I think you want space forever. It scares me.”
“Well, it impresses me the most when you let me have space. You have to know that it makes me want to be closer to you. Even when you don’t know why or what it’s about, you always seem to let me do it.” Jeannie looked up at him, eyes swimming. “I appreciate it — it means so much.”
“Doing nothing means so much?”
“Of course it does. And you’re not doing nothing, you’re just letting — letting me be me. It means you understand me.”
“I don’t know about that, but I trust you to know what you need.”
“I don’t know what I need Chris. I don’t know it at all. But I’ll try anything at this point. I — I want us…I know I’m not much to take on at the moment, but please, just keep some faith in me? I’ll come back, I promise.”
this was beautiful.