For the Graduates
An archive post with a 2024 addendum.
I dug into the archives of my old blog, Poetic & Chic, to bring out this favorite for graduation season. Originally written in 2011, friends still ask me about this one and I have to say this advice holds up in the re-read in 2024. However, I did add a few more points here and there, which are highlighted as block quotes. I’ve learned quite a lot in the last 13 years, and man, do I wish I knew some of these things then…
LIFE LESSONS FROM WORKING GIRL
Originally from Poetic & Chic - JUNE 6, 2011
It's graduation time again, and a lot of shiny new people will be emerging from the collegiate bubble into the "real" world. That is, the world of the work-a-day week, timecards, lunches at the desk, sneakers to commute and heels in the bag, and rows and rows of cubes. Okay, so maybe it's not so bad as all that, but when the real world hits for the first time, it hits pretty hard.
I was surprised to learn that one of my recent co-workers (who had recently graduated from college) had never seen the film Working Girl by Mike Nichols from 1988. I cannot conceive of someone NOT having seen this film when I watch it at least once a year, if not more often than that. From the moment the snare drum snaps to a shot of the Statue of Liberty, this film has me. The anthemic, soaring voice of Carly Simon on "Let the River Run" almost brings tears to my eyes in anticipation. From the first second, this movie goes right at the heart of the American spirit of capitalism and makes it exhilarating, despite its dirty backroom machinations. The writing is sharp, the cast is tremendous, and you'd be hard pressed not to love every one of these utterly flawed, delightful characters.
For me, Working Girl is sort of an I Ching of the business world. It gives lessons, makes you laugh, breaks your heart a few times, and still you come out with a happy ending. So, in my opinion, the film is an essential for anyone entering the working world.
So, here are my favorite lessons learned from Working Girl...
You don’t get ahead in this world by calling your boss a pimp.
“Never burn bridges. Today’s junior prick – tomorrow’s senior partner.”
Even if your boss is a pimp, a bitch, a pain-in-the-ass, or the company’s own dirty embarrassment, NEVER let them know that you know that. You don’t want to be the clean-up crew, but you can probably handle being a good cop to your boss’s bad cop. It’s called being nice.
People who are cavalier about burning bridges “so they’ll light my way” are just being stupid. You never ever know who can and will help you in your future career. Believe me, on day one people are already noticing your work ethic, and they aren’t likely to forget how much grace you have under pressure. They also aren’t likely to forget the good work and favors you’ve done on their behalf. You make them look good and they will always remember you, even years down the line.
They’ll also remember the nasty phone call, the shit attitude, the curt email response, and the oh-so-ferocious way you light that match and set that bridge on fire.
(2024: Okay, some bosses won’t, in fact, remember the good work and favors you’ve done on their behalf. These are the bad bosses, and it’s likely they wouldn’t be able to return the favor anyway. Let it go and keep it moving. Bad bosses are not worth holding grudges over.)
Never trust a bitch that has a weight machine in her office.
That’s just on principle.
(2024: Also never trust a bitch that gives you the stink-eye for leaving at 5:30 for a 6 o’clock yoga class, especially if you’ve been at your desk all day. You can draw boundaries and unless you have a job where your time is not your own, you can and ought to make time for your own fitness and wellness.)
Never trust a bitch that says “trust”.
Remember that guy at the frat party in your freshman year of college who wanted to take you out his window onto the roof because you could hear the band better from up there? Remember how the whole proposition didn’t seem to set quite right with you? Yeah. Hear that voice.
If your instinct tells you that someone is phony baloney (especially if it’s your boss,) then you aren’t likely too far off from the truth. Again, you don’t need to bring this to their attention, but just know where you stand and trust your instincts.
And just in case you forget: anyone who tells you to come to them with YOUR ideas should be a suspicious character no matter what. Do not trust them, ever.
Remember your first taste.
(As the chandelier lowers.) “Why does it do that?” “For cleaning.” “Are you kidding me?” “No.”
A Warhol quartet, Louis XVI desk, orchids… Your first time behind the curtain of affluence will always make an impression. Remember it well. The textures, the fragrances, the flavors, the service…the world is very different behind that curtain and that’s a good thing to know first-hand. Absorb it through your very pores so that you’ll know it when you get back there some day.
(2024: This is called expansion. Stay expanded and aim high.)
Dress like a woman.
“It’s simple, elegant; it makes a statement – says to people: confident, a risk-taker, not afraid to be noticed. Then you hit-em with your smarts.”
Dressing up always makes an impression. It’s important not to be overdressed nor intimidating, but to always be memorable. The success of the black sequined dress Tess borrows lies in its juxtaposition to every other outfit in the room. Remember, before Donna Karan, women didn’t know how to go from work to cocktails as seamlessly as they do today. It’s clear that all the women at the party have come from work, which is why they all look drab and frumpy.
“You dress like a woman, not how a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.”
Today our wardrobes are much more versatile – especially when it comes to the transition between work and play. But even if you’re leaving right from work to go on to a social event, never forget the power of a quick freshen-up. New makeup, a spritz of perfume, and a quick hair re-dux will make you look and feel pretty. And pretty is always powerful.
Fringe times ARE crucial, but meet like human beings, for once.
“I promised myself that when we met we’d drink tequila. No chardonnay, no Frog water. Real drinks.”
Someday some guy will surprise the hell out of me by NOT talking about work within the first five minutes. Hopefully that same guy will know how to order a good brown liquor, and will also have a solid knowledge on the finer points of flirtation. Not everything needs to be “business cards and you must know so-and-so”, and it’s refreshing when it isn’t. The best relationships, romantic and platonic, are founded on things other than a business connection. The man that knows this is the one you want to keep.
(2024: Have a life outside of work. Have hobbies, take classes, take trips, train for triathlons — all of these things will expose you to people you wouldn’t normally meet, and that’s good. While you will definitely make friends in the workplace, friends you make in your busy, active personal life outside of work will bring a richness and dimension to your relationships. And sometimes, the hobbies and interests become the next thing you want to get paid to do, you know, as a job.)
The mantra “Don’t fuck up” is as good as any.
The point is, before heading into any important meeting, luncheon, conversation, or whatever, it’s always a good idea to visualize and prepare. Set the intention before heading into the room, conversation, whatever. The more you see yourself succeeding in a difficult situation the more likely it is to happen. Think of and process as many possible outcomes as possible, exploring the situation from every angle.
Know what to do with the surplus cash on the balance sheet – it may be the only time you’ll have to get this creative, but it will be worth considering.
Be able to play secretary AND boss…and give yourself a promotion.
“You’re up against Wharton and Harvard grads.” “Christians and lions, Tess…”
The art of being both secretary and boss is the art of the fake-out. Maybe it’s illusion, maybe it’s just plain fraud, but when handled with grace it’s just plain smart. Imitation is the highest form of flattery and observation is the best way to learn and master (and surpass) someone’s skill set.
On the flip side, I cannot tell you how many Wharton and Harvard grads I’ve known who had no idea how to set up a conference call or schedule a meeting room in Outlook. Never mind the CEOs and brand presidents I’ve known that didn’t know how to raise their hand at the curb to hail a taxi. These are important life skills that should not merely be handed off to some underling because you think yourself too important to be bothered. To quote the great song “Underdog” by Spoon – “You got no time for the messenger/got no regard for the thing that you don’t understand/ you got no fear of the underdog/that’s why you will not survive”. If you can only be a boss with no idea about the secretary part, you’ll always be missing half of the work equation.
As an underling, you can learn a lot from a boss, but chances are they won’t always take the time to learn from you. (If they do however, hang on to them and follow them anywhere because they’re clearly invested in your success!)
(2024: I worked for a small retail business many moons ago where the co-founder had never once worked in retail, but insisted her company was going to do big things and “disrupt” retail. We were a small team, and at one of our in-store events, someone asked her the price of an item and she couldn’t answer. When the customer then said they wanted to buy it, she said “oh, you should ask someone who works here…they can help you.” IT WAS HER FUCKING BRAND. I don’t care if you’re a founder who has some fat MBA, you need to know how to do every aspect of your business, especially when its small and scrappy. Don’t ever think it’s funny to be condescending about your employees or the work they do because you cannot be bothered because you’re “a founder”. That attitude is bullshit. It’s a bad look and you will lose respect immediately. BTW - it’s been years and I’m still waiting for this brand to “disrupt” retail.)
Know that you’re going to get burned.
“I’m not the same pathetic trusting fool I was a few days ago.”
Things fall apart. The one wonderful boss that actually believes in you may get transferred, have a baby, move half way around the world, or any number of things that will take them away from your career. As much as you may plan your own career path, life will happen and catch you up short. Maybe you’ll get laid off (I did, and I still think it was the best thing that ever happened to me,) maybe you’ll get transferred, maybe the IPO will be delayed, or maybe that next round of funding never happens. The only thing you can be sure of is that somewhere, someday, something totally unexpected will get tossed in your direction.
When it does, you have a choice: wallow in despair or make it work for you. Even on your worst day (professionally and personally) you can usually still salvage something or at least figure out a new tack to take. How you recover from these situations will test you, but will also let you show your mettle in ways you won’t even realize.
Knowing how to read a balance sheet is just as important as knowing how to crash a wedding.
“He’s here and we’re here, that makes us…” “Total idiots.” “In the right place at the right time.”
Opportunities don’t always come knocking, sometimes you have to go find them on a dance floor, awkwardly, in the middle of a society wedding at the Union Club. People chalk a lot of things up to being “in the right place at the right time,” but what about camping out in the right place because the right time is bound to happen? By developing your sixth sense – the one that anticipates opportunities – you’ll start to learn where to find them.
(2024: I’m going to emphasize this: learn how to read a balance sheet. I have degrees in art and English; I’ve had to take classes in finance to learn about creating department budgets, P&L statements, etc, but I’ve done it. Not because I wanted to, mind, but because my boss refused to do it and handed it off to me. Unlike me, she never bothered to take a finance class and it showed. Keep expanding, keep learning. Even if it’s a task you don’t want to do, learn how to do it. Call a friend in finance and have them tutor you, or take a class at a local entrepreneurship program, or city college. Finance and knowing how to manage/read/create/understand financial statements is a vital skill you’ll be happy to have. Hone your instinct, yes, but be able to back it up with skill.)
Know your pitch.
“I said that the man who in 1971 looked into the future and saw that it was named microwave technology, the man who applied Japanese management principles while the others were sill kowtowing to the unions, the man who saw the Ma Bell breakup coming from miles away… This man did not get to be this man, you, I mean, by shutting himself off to new ideas. Am I right or am I right?”
Research, research, research. This will help you so much more than you may actually think. If you’re heading into a pitch or proposal, be sure to have read up on everything about the person or company you’re going to be courting. What’s their current share value? How did they do last quarter, last year? What are their current plans for growth and how do they expect to do it? Most importantly, what’s the vision you’ve come up with for their grand plans? Even if you’re just the coat check girl sitting at the reception desk, this information should always be fresh in your mind. Know how to take the temperature of a company, a department, a leader… Keep your eyes open and observe: trends, attitudes, moods, the air in the lunch room. It’s all there, you just have to put all the pieces together and start your spin.
You are not steak.
“I’m not going to spend the rest of my life working my ass off and getting nowhere just because I followed rules that I had nothing to do with setting up.”
Remember that you have a voice – in business and in your relationships. Accept the times when you make mistakes (which will happen), but be practiced at the art of gracefully asserting yourself. Don’t be afraid of your own power, and don’t be afraid to break the rules when you feel that it’s the right thing to do. In fact, make your own rules!
I know this is a tricky one when you’re first starting out, especially as you’re learning. But always keep it buried in your back pocket.
(2024: I worked for LVMH for many years and one of the questions they’d always toss onto reviews or job descriptions is: “Dealing with abiguity.” I always thought this was a dirty gotcha question. It implies that you have to be okay with making decisions, but that you’ll also be subject to their consequences…if everything goes to shit. Understood, but here’s the thing: unless you are C-level or a Global VP or something, your work will ALWAYS be signed off on by someone else higher up than you. If you’re at a manager/director level, there should be no ambiguity in your projects, goals, benchmarks. To paraphrase Sun Tzu in The Art of War: “If there’s confusion in the ranks, blame the General.” You should not have to take the blame for your leadership’s ambiguity. Ever.)
Don’t let good people get buried under a little piece of tape.
Have integrity and ethics. Don’t throw people under the bus; take responsibility for things. If you’re wrong, admit it, but if you’re right then know how to back up your position in three different ways.
Business relationships can be fragile at the get-go, but once you’ve made a few partnerships you will start to feel the loyalty. Sometimes you’ll be challenged, sometimes you’ll be an ace, but either way you need a solid team on your side. When you find those talents, remember them and keep in touch no matter where you go. These are the bridges you definitely don’t want to burn.
Wise up and don’t take the whole thing so seriously.
Read the People page. It’s true, you really don’t know where the big ideas will come from, so stay open to all of them by being open to everything. Even the most ridiculous things.
Emerging markets can emerge without you on your birthday. When in doubt, go to a party on Staten Island. You may be the best-dressed person there, but you’ll probably have a very fun, memorable night. Singing and dancing around the house in your underwear won’t make you Madonna, but it will probably make you laugh.
“Power to the People.” “The little people.”
The first few years will be filled with many lessons. You’ll learn a lot and you’ll climb higher, if that’s what you really want to do. As you get higher and grow in importance, talent, and ability, never forget where you started. Chances are it’ll take a long time to become the biggest fish in the corporate pond, but after a few years you’ll no longer be the smallest either. But know that those years as a small fish may be the most important you’ll experience. They’ll give you drive, ambition, humility, wisdom, street smarts, and all those little skills that the people at the top should always be grateful for.
Gumption, Ms. McGill.
“You can bend the rules plenty once you get upstairs but not while you’re trying to get there. And, if you’re someone like me you can’t get there without bending the rules.”
If things aren’t working for you, you can always move on to something better. If you need to, you can always shake things up. When you’re young it’s a bit easier to do, but age doesn’t really matter. If you want to make something happen you can do it. It may be risky, it may be all-or-nothing, it may mean a lot of sacrifice, but it will probably be worth it in the end.
Keep good records, write down your ideas, and keep your elevator pitch polished and concise. You never know who may be riding with you or if they have a fat checkbook that needs to invest in something or someone. Namely, you.
(2024: When you’re new in the job market it’s always good to show longevity at a brand or in an industry. Stay in a job for at least 18 months to 2 years before you move on. Or, perhaps at that point you’ll be moving up?
As an example, I gave this advice to a former colleague and team member who didn’t like our boss and wanted to leave. He had only been with us about 6 months, and had only one prior job for 1 year. I said it wouldn’t look great on his resume to have departed so soon, and that he could find another mentor within the brand who could help him along. You don’t always need your direct boss to be the one forging your path with you. He stayed, and within a few years had worked his way up to running the brand.
That said, once you get the notion that you should probably move on from a job, do it. Maybe you can’t see a way forward or find a different ally at the company. I stayed too long in a few jobs, and I regret not moving on sooner. Listen to that instinct that wants you to throw up a deuce and depart, especially if you have plenty of experience that isn’t being valued.)
New chapter(s) of The Spring coming on Tuesday! Apologies for missing yesterday’s chapter, but I had to switch up some things from what I’d written and life has been A LOT this month already. Thank you for your patience!